Just My Thoughts

Just my thoughts... on life with diabetes

2012-01-25T18:18:00.003-05:00

I don't think that a lot of people realize that being diagnosed with diabetes can feel a lot like the loss of a good friend. Gone is the carefree days of doing whatever you want, because not only do you have to watch your diet, you must also consider every action you perform and how it can positively or negatively affect your blood sugars and health. I think that most diabetics have to go through the 7 Stages of Grief...

1. Shock and Denial
2. Pain & Guilt
3. Anger & Bargaining
4. Depression
5. The Upward Turn
6. Reconstruction and Working Through
7. Acceptance and Hope

The three stages I want to focus on are 1, 3 and 7. I spent a long time denying the reality of having diabetes. Mostly, because I felt I was too young (and good looking) to have to deal with something like that, it was really surprising and overwhelming. At 21 the last thing you're expecting to hear that that you have type 2 diabetes. If you know me it's not really my thing to feel guilty, so it wasn't a stage I spent too much time in. But I did manage to get really angry, it was probably the most angry I've ever felt, because it just wasn't fair. I was pissed, every once in a while I still feel very angry, because there are days i just don't feel like being diabetic, or having to test my sugars or not eat what I want, it can be hard to not feel angry at the situation. I did get depressed, but not for very long, because I was offended reminded of everything I had to be thankful, including the fact that diabetes does not have to be a life sentence. When I got to stage 7 of acceptance and hope it didn't mine that suddenly everything was rainbows and lollipops, it meant I had adapted to a life with diabetes. The situation is what it is, I can't ignore the fact that my life has changed and my mindset must change with it. I've learned to be more creative in meal planning, find activities I can enjoy and feel safe participating in. I don't hide or feel ashamed of what I have to live with. I can't be the same carefree, untroubled me that existed before I was diagnosed. I'm a better me, I have a greater understanding of what is happening in my body. I know how to properly keep my body fueled and take care of myself. I accept the responsibility of being my own biggest advocate and adversary. I find ways to move forward with a positive attitude, knowing that every day I'm doing the best that I can and as I continue to educate myself the easier figuring it all out will be. I'm well aware of what I've lost, but I won't allow that loss to impede on the anticipation of the good time to come and the joy of experiencing life to the fullest.

Debt Free Forever!!!

2012-01-09T06:14:00.000-05:00

So it came as kind of a surprise, but I'm finally debt-free. I was checking my credit card balances at the beginning of the month and realized that they were all $0. I can't even begin to explain how happy this made me. It was like this giant weight was lifted from my shoulders. I feel like I'm on a high and whenever I think about it I begin to smile. This means I can get serious about going to Australia and buying a house. It has totally made my month, maybe even my year knowing that every month I don't have to worry about making payments outside of my rent, my phone and my cable bill. I really feel free. I picked up Gail Vaz-Oxlade Debt-Free Forever and I'm hoping to never fall into the trap of credit card debt ever again. I'll try and post interesting tidbits from my readings.

Later!

Unconditional Love

2012-01-09T02:03:00.002-05:00

So today I was watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition and I heard something that kind of upset me. The girl losing the weight after some success turned to her trainer and said it's nice that she can now start loving herself. I thought that's so sad, that someone felt the need to lose weight in order to start loving themselves. I think that mentallity is something that needs to change for a lot of people. IF I do this, than I can do that... If I lose weight, than I can love myself. Shouldn't it be reversed... because I love myself, I will lose weight and be healthy. Self-love shouldn't be dependent on how much I weigh or what I look like or what other people tell me I should or shouldn't be. I love myself because I'm the best self I can be today. Today is officially the first day of my get healthy journey. I value myself and I want to be able to give myself every opportunity available to me. I don't want to have to limit myself or my dreams because of restrictions I've placed on myself. I know that my value will never be found in being a certain size, but being around for as long as I can with the people I love is the most valuable thing to me.

Moving on...

2012-01-08T08:43:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's not giving up, it's moving on. I like to think that me and my ex-boyfriend didn't break-up we simply moved on. I think that a lot of people spend too much energy on relationships that aren't worth the effort. I also think that's how people get trapped into settling for less than the best. When you've put so much effort into something it does make it a challenge to walk away, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone you know isn't right for you because you didn't want to rock the boat. I hate to settle on something for lunch that's just alright, I can't imagine settling on the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I know that right now my energies can be expended in more benefital pursuits and that is what I'm going to focus on.

My name is MarieSeda and I live at the edge of the forest...

2011-11-07T07:13:00.000-05:00

My whole life I've wanted to be able to say the phrase "I live at the edge of the forest". It's very fairytale and I'm very much into fairy tales. Our family recently moved and I can now happily say that I live at the edge of the forest. There is something that I never considered about living at the edge of the forest. I don't know if you know this, but apparently the forest is home to many of our animal friends. Sometimes these animals friends get tire of living in the forest and decide to come and visit for a while. Our first animal guest was Mickey.

Unfortunately, my dad had to escort him out.

Our next friend, Jake, took refuge under the steps on our porch. He would come and say hello whenever I arrived home. Thanks to Jake I can now qualify for the Canadian National Long-Jump team.

Jake was not as accommodating about leaving. We had to do a little renovating and make it uncomfortable for him to finally get him to say goodbye.

Our most recent animal friend seems to be a bit more stubborn than the rest. Bert comes and goes as he chooses brings his friends by and hangs out in front of the garage. Bert has actually inspired me to get into hunting.

Hopefully, the next time I see Bert, it will be the last time!

The past is behind me...

2011-10-28T06:03:00.002-04:00

I can't stand people who live in the past. Shit happens to everyone and we all have to deal with it eventually. People who decide to dwell on the past instead of being in the present drive me nuts. Now is happening now, you can’t stop it, time doesn’t stand still, your past is behind you. It shouldn’t be a revelation that it’s behind, because it’s not all around you and it shouldn’t be all that you can see. Even if you don’t want to put it behind you, you must in order to truly move forward. Sitting the past is wasting the present and the future.

I prefer to live in the present and look forward to the future. I appreciate the past and everything it has taught me and for bringing me to this point. I know the present isn’t always going to be perfect, but neither was the past. Knowing that is what keeps me excited for the future.

An open letter...

2011-08-25T07:53:00.000-04:00

Dear Friends & Family,

I have diabetes, but I don't always look sick because of it.

I know that it can be difficult to know how to help. I always appreciate it when you ask me how you can help in a caring way. When you get a juice box when I have low blood sugar or a glass of water when I have high blood sugar, it means the world to me. Sometimes it's nice just to have someone to sit next to.

Nagging me doesn't help. Nobody likes to be told what to do, especially someone who needs to watch everything they consume 24/7 forever. And let's be honest: how would you feel if someone lectured you about calories every time you ate a hamburger?

When I indulge, I have a twinge of guilt. You can help by being there for me and understanding that diabetes is non-stop and
sometimes I just need a little break.

Show me you care by joining me on a walk, embracing a new cooking plan, or coming on my journey to learn more.

Diabetes puts me through an array of emotions. They're complicated and not always pretty. Sometimes I just need space.

Other times I just need a hug.

I want to learn to play the drums...

2011-08-03T07:59:00.002-04:00

When I was little I wanted to learn to play the saxophone so bad. I begged and pleaded, I even learned how to play the clarinet so I could easily transition to the sax. Sadly it never seemed to happen for me. This is the song that drove my craze for the sax...

To this day Wham's Careless Whispers is still my all time favourite song.

Lately, I've been going crazy for this song...

I'm sitting at my desk air drumming, head bopping, looking like a crazy person. It really makes me want to to learn to play the drums. I guess I'm gonna have to look into drum lessons!

P.S. The song that made me want to play the guitar...

It will also be my wedding march.

See I ain't tryna lease or try to rent, I'm tryna own it!

2011-08-03T07:53:00.000-04:00

Why I should have been an only child...

2011-05-12T10:24:00.000-04:00

This morning as I was getting dressed I asked my 13 year old sister if my dress made me look pregnant. She told me "Don't blame the dress!"

Fable of the porcupine

2011-05-12T09:59:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen a baby porcupine?

It was the coldest winter ever and many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other. After a while they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. This way they learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close relationship with their companion, but the most important part of it, was the heat that came from the others allowed them to survive.

Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities

The Real Moral of the story..........

LEARN TO LOVE THE PRICKS IN YOUR LIFE!

An even more interesting article...

2011-05-10T08:01:00.005-04:00

Brienne WalshAuthor: An Open Letter to the Women Who Are Telling Me It's My Fault I'm Not Married

_____________________________________

Every year, right around Valentine's Day, a flurry of women write articles directly addressing the large population of single women in New York.

This year, the two that I read were "Why You're Not Married" by Tracy McMillan, a "Mad Men" staff writer, in The Huffington Post, and "Dear Single Women of NYC: It's Not Them, It's You" by Jen Doll in the Village Voice.

Both articles share a message: "Women: it's your fault that you're not married, and you should stop bitching about how you can't find a good man."

These sorts of articles used to scare the ever-loving daylights out of me; now they're just infuriating.

I know it's my fault I'm not married. I know that in the future, if I don't get married, it will be my fault as well. And thanks to the advancements made by the women in the generation above me, it's my decision to make.

Because staying in a bad relationship just because it is heading towards marriage is like putting a plastic bag over your head, and just letting in enough air that you can stay alive.

So, I'd like to take a minute to directly address the women, or at least the type of woman, who are directly addressing these articles to me.

Obviously, marriage is not a fairy tale; stop telling us that.

McMillan wraps up her article with this "insight:"

Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.

But I grew up in a generation of women that literally never stopped hearing that marriage isn't a fairy tale. We were fed statistics about divorce in the same way that the Baby Boomer generation was bombarded with ICBM figures. Daily, we were told that men were not Prince Charming, that they would not vanquish a dragon to save us, rescue us from a tower or even just fight their way through a double transfer on the subway to come kiss us goodnight.

And so we learned how to expect literally nothing from a man. And do you know what happened because of that? We learned to let men treat us like crap. We came to believe that men were doing us a favor by settling down -- because otherwise they would be out spraying the world of willing women with their abundant seed. We were taught to be grateful if a man showed interest in us, and we became fearful at all times that he would leave us once he did. Women of my generation are still the second-class citizens of fairy tales: only now, we don't even have the chivalry or the ever-blooming roses to comfort us in our eternal boredom.

"All men want is for us to be nice to them." Do you know what men don't want? A lot of things that I really value about myself.

A few weeks ago, I was interviewing a woman who is at the top of her chosen profession. She's a single mother to her teenage daughter. She is enormously successful, well-educated, beautiful -- and never married.

Our conversation eventually -- and inevitably -- led us to the topic of why she never married, and to illustrate the point, she told me a story. "When I was younger," she said, "I was dating a man who told me: 'You're extraordinarily smart, and you're extraordinarily beautiful. You need a man who is either so strong that he can stand up to you, or so weak that you can walk all over him. I'm just a normal man. I'm not the man for you.'"

[20 years later, they met again, and she asked him why he had married his wife. "She made good sandwiches," he said.]

As I was leaving, she said to me, with a great deal of kindness: "You're pretty, and you're smart. It's a curse. You'll have a lot of difficulty finding a man."

It could have been crushing, if I wasn't aware of it already. For the first time in my life, someone openly acknowledged the dirty dark secret of my generation of women. And that is that all of the qualities we cultivate in ourselves from our first overachieving moments in elementary school to our graduation from the best universities in the nation -- confidence in our physical appearance, the ability to support ourselves, our cultured and well-read minds, the sterling pedigree of our schooling, our taste for healthy debate with our peers (both men and women) -- actually won't help us to find an equal partner. What it will do is make an "equal" man feel insecure, and what he will do with that insecurity is label us as "crazy." And crazy people aren't to be taken seriously -- they're to be medicated, dosed, tamed like "Kate," the eponymous shrew -- and made into the perfect wife. In essence, in order to participate in the ritual custom of marriage, we have to become shadows of our best selves.

So when you say to me, Tracy McMillan, that I have to work around a "man's fear and insecurity in order to get married," I say to you, why aren't you telling me that I should be going out to look for the men who wants a woman like me? (They do exist; some of them are my friends.) Instead of being told I need to medicate my "craziness" to pander to a man's itty-bitty oh-so-witty ego, I want a man who is every bit my match, and is not scared off by that. I want a man who appreciates that I enjoy sex. I want a man who loves that I can fire back a sassy comment like Katharine Hepburn on one of her lazy days.

I have a pedigree like an Arabian thoroughbred -- double Ivy League degrees in art history, the ability to speak in five languages, a resume full of prestigious jobs in the art world, a history of international travel that even Bruce Chatwin would gape at -- and it's come to the point that if a man doesn't immediately identify me as crazy, I question if he's even listening to me when I open my mouth.

When are women going to start telling women not to be afraid of raising children by themselves?

I'm a woman who both knows that she wants to have children, and who also knows that she'd like to have a few more opportunities to really, really fall in love. Because even though I know that the clock is ticking on my middle-aged ovaries, and even though I know that marriage isn't a fairy tale, I'd still like to actually be madly in love with the person I'm going to do all of this sacrificing and fighting and laughing and struggling with. I've been in love before, with men who were arguably (and endearingly) more troll than Prince Charming, and I know it can happen again.

In her article Doll quotes a friend as saying: "'If you could have babies easily into your 50s, I think you'd go on being single forever.'" She then follows the quote with the maxim: "But we can't. This is just a biological fact."

But it's clearly not a biological fact that a woman needs to be in a relationship to have a child. A decade from now, I know that I'll be making a more-than-decent living, and so, assuming I don't ask a friend to knock me up (hey, best friends make the best lovers, right?), I'll have plenty of money to pay for in vitro fertilization. I have many, many good friends, five siblings, relatively young parents, and over 20 aunts and uncles who would help me to raise that baby. I enjoy the perks of a thriving, enormous Irish Catholic family, but even if I didn't have over 50 immediate biological relatives, I still have the family that I've created from friends, mentors, lovers and co-workers in New York. And so do most women that I know. It might not be easy for us to be single mothers, but it would surely be workable, just another way of doing things that would have the same balance of happiness, sadness, and hardship as any other life I may choose to live.

All that I'm trying to say, ladies, is stop trying to frighten me; make me feel empowered. Speak to me like I can make my own decisions, and don't demean the difficulties I may be having finding a guy who I think is worth my time and energy. Marriage is a rapidly-changing institution. Let's discuss how it can be molded to fit our rising status, rather than trying to jam ourselves into some outdated ideal.

Meanwhile, leave me a little room for my fantasies and my fairy tales. If I don't dream of the occasional miracle, the found glass slipper, the kiss that awakens me from my slumber, how do you expect me to make it through the drudgery of life?

Follow Brienne Walsh on Twitter: www.twitter.com/briennewalsh

I've had this conversation...

2011-05-10T08:00:00.000-04:00

see more Failbook

My poor foot!

2011-05-06T10:30:00.001-04:00

This morning as I was running to catch the last bus that would get me to work on time (not "technically" on time, more like 15 minutes late, and trust me just 15 minutes late is not bad (by my standards)). Anyways, as I was saying I'm rushing and I go to move a wall mount mirror (that I have mounted yet) and it slipped out of my hands and on to my foot. My poor little foot is trobbing like crazy. When I finally got to work 2 1/2 hours late, at least I was able to tell my boss that I hadn't cryed... a lot. Thankfully most of the swelling has gone away. Hopefully it won't end up like this...

Happy Mother's Day!!

2011-05-05T17:00:00.000-04:00

I know that I let everyone know on a pretty frequent basis how blessed my life is. A big part of why I feel so blessed is with the abundance of mother's I have in my life. I don't just have a mom-mom, I have work-moms and friend-moms and auntie-moms, there are just a whole lot of moms in my life. I thought that with it being so close to Mother's Day I should express my appreciation to all of them for all the encouragement and inspiration they have brought to my life. To the moms that have ensured that I get feed, that am clothed properly and supported in all my endeavours I thank and salute you. Although, I don't say it, I recognize all that you do for me and the other young women that are lucky enough to have you guys in our lives. I'd like to say a special thank you to my mom-mom, who was the only mom that showed up as the grade 8 trip bus was leaving to wish me a bon voyage because I would be gone for a week (even though at the time it was totally embarrassing). Also, for the time in grade 5, when she stayed up all night making a teacher gift, because she knew how much it would mean to me. As well, for last night when she give into my McDonald's craving, even though it was out of the way (I'm going to disregard the fact that she bitch and moaned about it afterwards). So, as I was saying a BIG, HUGE, GIGANTIC THANK YOU to the moms in my life and I wish you a VERY HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

yoozah.com - Free Glitter Graphics

F'ing the dog!

2011-04-20T17:00:00.003-04:00

So this morning as I was getting off the bus the driver said to me, "Don't work too hard". It's not often that I accept advice from strangers, but for some reason this really struck a chord with me.

So today I f'ed the dog hard. I didn't just f' the dog, I tried new positions, used toys, I even got some of my friends involved!

Tomorrow I promise I will not listen to the advice of strangers!

Interesting Article...

2011-02-21T21:34:00.005-05:00

Tracy McMillan: Why You’re Not Married

________________________________________

You want to get married. It's taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud -- even in your mind -- feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize. Because you're hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor.

You've never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box.

Then, something happened. Another birthday, maybe. A breakup. Your brother's wedding. His wife-elect asked you to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there you were, wondering how in hell you came to be 36-years-old, walking down the aisle wearing something halfway decent from J. Crew that you could totally repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket. You started to hate the bride -- she was so effing happy -- and for the first time ever you began to have feelings about the fact that you're not married. You never really cared that much before. But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found yourself wondering... Deep, deep breath... Why you're not married.

Well, I know why.

How? It basically comes down to this: I've been married three times. Yes, three. To a very nice MBA at 19; a very nice minister's son at 32 (and pregnant); and at 40, to a very nice liar and cheater who was just like my dad, if my dad had gone to Harvard instead of doing multiple stints in federal prison.

I was, for some reason, born knowing how to get married. Growing up in foster care is a big part of it. The need for security made me look for very specific traits in the men I dated -- traits it turns out lead to marriage a surprisingly high percentage of the time. Without really trying to, I've become a sort of jailhouse lawyer of relationships -- someone who's had to do so much work on her own case that I can now help you with yours.

But I won't lie. The problem is not men, it's you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they're not really standing in your way. Because the fact is -- if whatever you're doing right now was going to get you married, you'd already have a ring on it. So without further ado, let's look at the top six reasons why you're not married.

1. You're a Bitch.

Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's scaring men off.

The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife.

2. You're Shallow.

When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.

Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.

3. You're a Slut.

Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long.

That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin -- a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm -- that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know, you're totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you're going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.

4. You're a Liar.

It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now."

You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear!

About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place.

5. You're Selfish.

If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems.

Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.

6. You're Not Good Enough.

Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.

Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.

I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure. They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.

Alright, so that's the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You're just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.

Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.

The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:

Love.

Reaching that moment...

2011-02-14T17:02:00.001-05:00

For reference: I start work at 8:30(ish)am

For some reason I reach that moment where I just don't want to do anything else productive at 8:15am. I don't think that bodes well for me!

S#$% my boss says...

2011-02-14T17:01:00.003-05:00

So the other day I was working on something and I realized that somebody had submitted a form that shouldn't have come to our office. I went and asked my boss to make sure I was right before returning the form. At first he agreed with me and then as we were talking about it, he grabbed the file out of my hand and said that he just realized it was fine, there was a piece of the puzzle I didn't know, but not to worry about. (You would think the man had never met me before to make a comment like that!) For the next 4 hours every 5 to 10 minutes I would go into his office and ask what it is I didn't know. At around hour two he started to threaten to fart if I came back into his office. By end of hour four he had had enough.

HIM: You just keep picking and picking and picking and picking. I feel like a pimple that is about to burst and puss all over your glasses!!!

ME: Bobby, that is honest to God the most disgusting analogy I have ever heard in my life.

The information was revealed shortly after that and it was nothing super exciting. I later repeated the story to some friends that know the two of us and they could not believe that I had brought such a quiet, respectable, peaceful man down to that level. You can only imagine what my mom has had to deal with for too many years now.

That funny feeling...

2011-02-14T17:00:00.002-05:00

Around two o'clock this afternoon as I was in the middle of something, my boss came and asked me if I normally do what I was doing first thing in the morning. I said yes. He asked was this morning a particularly busy morning. I said no. He than asked what happened today. I get the funny feeling he was not too impressed when I shrugged my shoulders and said "I just didn't feel like it" *sigh*.

Truths for Mature Adults

2011-01-27T07:30:00.000-05:00

There are some truths that by a certain age you simply need to know. I found this list and thought that it summed everything up quite nicely...

1. I think part of a friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Day 1 - Harry Potter Wizarding World

2010-07-22T11:13:00.007-04:00

Picture Post for Antonio

2010-07-22T11:10:00.004-04:00

So the entire trip I was looking for just the right souvenir for my brother and on our very last day I found this...

I couldn't have found something more perfect if I had made it myself!

A Picture Post for Sue

2010-07-22T06:09:00.000-04:00

So we're at the airport waiting for our flight to Orlando, when out of the blue my dad says, "Look! There's Sue!" So we all look over and I hear Sara say, "Yeah, it is Sue". I'm thinking what the hell are they talking about and then finally the 400 pound man blocking my view moved and there she was...

SUE!

SO I had to take a picture...

A Picture Post for Peri

2010-07-15T01:04:00.008-04:00

PENIS, PENIS, PENIS!!!

2010-05-20T06:00:00.003-04:00

Okay, so being the thoughtful, caring, considerate, wonderful friend that I am, when I went to Trinidad in 2008, I picked up a very special gift for my friend, Suzy. In fact I love Suzy SO MUCH that I bought her the exact some gift I bought myself and put up on my mantle. It was a beautifully decorated Penis Mug. Now I love my Penis Mug, but Suzy was not as excited as I was with my great find. IN FACT, she actually returned it to me and took a much less expensive and special souvenir. Which was fine because friends are allowed to have different tastes. Anyway, recently Suzy and Steve went to Morocco, and I of course am waiting for my reciprocal Penis Mug. Yesterday when I noticed her pictures on facebook, I commented on one to indicate I am patiently waiting, fingers crossed for my Penis Mug. On other picture I found a fantastic hat and told Suzy to forget the Penis Mug, I wanted that hat instead. Unfortunately, Suzy had to take the comments down... She said I'm not allowed to say PENIS on facebook... so here it is...
PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!! PENIS!!!

Things that go through my head...

2010-05-20T05:59:00.000-04:00

I've come to realize that I can be a very "not nice" person. Yes, I know this is something many people have picked up on some time ago and really isn't "breaking news", but today it proved extremely true and I thought I would share. first things first, those stupid TNA bags. Are teenage girls truly that dumb that it has become cool to walk around advertising "tits n' ass"? You can tell me until you're blue in the face that it is Touloula National Association or whatever the hell it's called, but I don't know a single person that sees that bag and doesn't think "tits n' ass" (maybe that says something about the company I keep)! Every morning I'm tempted to walk over to walk over and ask where they got the "tits n' ass" bag from, but I'm so afraid that they might not catch on to the sarcasm and engage me in conversation and I don't think my brain could take gaining that many stupid cells all at once. The next urge is one I don't think I'll be able to fight for too much longer. Every time that young, black boy rides his skateboard through the subway station, I can't help but want to say "DUDE, YOU'RE BLACK, COME ON!!!" Finally and probably the least nice thing about me, I don't know if I should share this, but here we go...
I currently sit in a shared cubicle with two other people. Their job requires a lot of concentration and quiet. I am not a quiet person and this has caused a "little" bit of conflict. I now must conduct the majority of my phone conversations in whispers. BUT, I've figured out the most passive-aggressive tool to use against them. THE NOISIEST FUCKING LUNCH IN THE WORLD. This is how it starts... I get an apple, some carrots, a straw, some chips, just thing of things that make noise and it's in my lunch bag. I proceed to wrap everything in aluminum foil and then in put in a plastic baggy (if it come pre-wrapped I wrap it again!) I then take out everything all at once and begin to pull out my lunch single piece by piece. That means one chip *munch, munch, munch*, tussle bag, one chip *munch, munch, munch* and within 5 minutes I have the cubicle all to myself! Even better I've just started doing 6 smalls meals a day... I'm having too much fun!!! So there you have it I'm very "not nice" person!

My thoughts on change

2010-02-28T03:54:00.002-05:00

I try to never complain about change, as I accept that it is a constant in life, but honestly at times I have a really hard time coping with it. I kind of feel like Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle (my mom's favourite movie). You know the scene when he's talking to the radio shrink about his wife dying and what he is going to do and he says "Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while." I think when change first happens (regardless of what cause is, be it death, relationships ending, or just a change in a phase of life) the first few days I have to remind myself to get of bed, breath in and out and just keep pushing. As time goes by and slowly I begin to adapt to the change and the routine of getting up and doing what I have to do kicks in and with it the acceptance of the change, eventually I become content with my new lot in life and the need to feel regret for the loss of what was great and perfect slowly recedes as the memory fades. Sometimes I even find myself questioning if the time that was great and perfect ever really existed.

So true....

2010-02-20T10:43:00.007-05:00

Failure

2009-10-27T11:02:00.002-04:00

Failure does not exist. Failure is simply someone else's opinion of how a certain act should have been completed. Once you believe that no act must be performed in any specific other-directed way, then failing becomes impossible. - Wayne Dyer

I find this fascinating, the concept that failure does not truly exist. Imagine going through life and never having that fear of failure hang over your head. There would be no pressure, no shame, no self-doubt, that would be a great world to live in. On the other hand, failure can be a great motivator, I know there have been times I would not have have accomplished much if not for that pressure not to fail and to continually prove myself. I guess it's finding that place where fear of failure is not an inhibitor, but a motivator. As well, to base success and failure not on someone else's conditions but standards I have set for myself. I suppose it's looking at life as though the only person I truly can fail is myself, just as much as I can only be a success based on what I consider success to be. I'm not sure if that's a good thing?

Zero-Based Gratitude

2009-10-27T09:43:00.001-04:00

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

- Albert Einstein

Zero-Based Gratitude

Perhaps you have heard of zero-based budgeting as a technique for governments, businesses, and occasionally individuals. Zero-based budgeting is in contrast to traditional incremental budgeting. In incremental budgeting, one starts with the budget for the last year, or other period, and prepares a budget for the next period based on the budget for the last period - incorporating whatever increases, or very occasionally decreases, are deemed appropriate.

Zero-based budgeting begins with a base-line of no expenditures, rather than the base-line of last year's expenditures. Each and every proposed expense must be justified on its own merits rather that falling back on the argument that it was in the last year's budget, and that everybody expects and demands it.

Most people's gratitude is incremental gratitude. If they receive a raise, a bigger house, a third car, a new love interest, or a healthy new baby, they are grateful. If they lose their job, are forced to downsize, have a tiff with their spouse, or have an illness in the family, they are disappointed and angry. Why disappointed and angry? Because they have not been blessed with as much today as they were yesterday.

Suppose our gratitude could be zero-based gratitude. With zero-based gratitude, we would be grateful for everything we had each day - regardless of whether it was more or less than yesterday. With zero-based gratitude, I can be grateful for a warm comfortable one-bedroom apartment, even if I had a four bedroom house yesterday. I can be grateful for being able to walk, even if I could run yesterday. I can be grateful all the people, the love, the food, the shelter, the services, the health, that I am blessed with today, regardless of what I had yesterday. With zero-based gratitude, I can be grateful each day for the gift of life itself.

Consider adopting the ongoing practice of zero-based gratitude.

http://www.dreamthisday.com/

Why I love my parents...

2009-10-27T09:30:00.004-04:00

So I'm helping my mom to prepare Thanksgiving dinner and she sets aside the turkey neck for my Nonna. I'm sitting there looking at the turkey neck and decide to ask "Mom, what if they've been tricking us for all these years and that's not really the turkey's neck, but the turkey's shlong?" straight faced she turns to me and says "Tina, if that was the turkey's shlong, we'd be idolizing it, not eating it".

My dad and I stopped by a Chinese restaurant for dinner the other and as we were leaving I noticed a car with a bunch of little ribbon bows tied to the radio antenna. I ask "does that serve any purpose?" my dad's response had me pissing my pants "Yes Tina, it indicates that the driver's an asshole."

And that my friends is why I love my parents!

Perspective

2009-03-16T09:11:00.002-04:00

I really appreciate this one. I hope you do too and ~ enjoy!

This is one of the best explanations of why there is pain and suffering that I have seen...

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: 'I don't believe that God exists.'

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer. 'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children?

If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.'
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.
He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'
'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber.
'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!'
'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.'
'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'

Dildos and my mom

2008-08-24T22:04:00.013-04:00

So, I threw a bachorlette party for one of my best friend's a couple of weeks before her wedding. Suffice to say the drama involved has got me determined to elope when it's my turn. It went from a party of 20 to a party of 5. The only way we even made 5 was thanks to my mom giving in and coming out with us. I'd organized a great night of dinner followed by a passion party in a hotel suite we had booked. It's sad? interesting? confusing? to think the highlight of the evening was when my mom decided to use the massive, pink vibrator to massage her back.

Favourite Memory... Trinidad

2008-08-24T22:02:00.005-04:00

So all of the Trinidad trip was pretty great, but if I had to pick a favourite it would have to be our trip to the pitch lake. We left my grandparent's house pretty early that morning with a driver my grandfather had hired for us. The first thing I noticed when we got in the car was that there was no seatbelts. The second was that the brakes were screeching louder than anything I've ever heard. Before we started our journey from the north end to the south end we made a quick stop in Port of Spain. At which point I told my dad he needed to pull out the seatbelts as I wasn't in the mood to die that day. Only able to locate 2 of the 3 seatbelts my mom ended looping her's into Sara's for safety and off we went. The first part of the day was great. We went to the pitch lake and had a very informative walking tour. (The Pitch Lake is a lake of natural asphalt located at La Brea in southwest Trinidad. ) Later that morning we headed to the mall and did the majority of our sovenior shopping. From there we were suppose to go visit my dad's aunt for a while before heading home. Unfortuneately, that was just not meant to be. It all started out with one missed turn. As soon as we left the mall all the driver had to do was making a left turn and we would have continued on as planned. Instead we went straight as Mr. Brown (the driver) knew a short cut. I'm not sure of the exact definition of the word short cut because generally in my opinion that does not mean the trip should take an additional four hours (thank God Mr. Brown was not being paid hourly). The upside to our adventure was that we got to cover most of Trinidad, during our time with Mr. Brown, the downside was that we got to cover most of Trinidad with Mr. Brown. After running us off the road onto someone's lawn, my confidence in Mr. Brown started to waiver. The next almost two accidents and getting lost 3 addtional times while lost did not help anything. The one thing I can confidently say is I will never forget my time with Mr. Brown.

My Thoughts... on Family Reunions

2008-08-24T21:57:00.002-04:00

I love family reunions. We have one of those as seen in the movies, people don't really do that, who are all these crazy people kind of reunions. We have the egg and spoon race, the musical chairs, the inappropriately dressed girlfriend of a cousin and the insanely delicious homemade food. It's always a lot of fun and makes me appreciate how great our family truly is. We do one every two years and each time it's in a different location. This year it was in Trinidad and I had a blast. There's something about feeling and knowing you're loved by people you don't even know exist that hard to describe. You get there and everyone knows what you've been doing and what's been going on in your life and telling you they remember cuddling with you when you were just a baby and it's a really great feeling. One of the more interesting aspects of our reunions are some of the different "lectures" or talks that we have. This year a presentation was given on our medical history and another was given on financial planning. It's great to know we want each other to succeed and care about what's going on with one another. I have to say I truly love my family and feel blessed and privileged to be a part of such a great one.

Jonas Brothers = O.K. in my books

2008-08-21T19:25:00.004-04:00

So, Sara and I did end up going to the Jonas Brothers concert. To make a long story short, I searched and searched for those stupid tickets everywhere. After spending 4 hours on craigslist I decided to check out kijiji. The first ad I saw I gave them a call and the lady had 3 tickets she had bought because of her 6 year old that no longer felt like going and was willing to sell them for whatever she paid for them. We call ticketmaster and it was as easy as transferring her tickets from her credit card to mine. There I am 2 hours later sitting on the lawn with Sara and Daniel for under $100. Sara was thrilled, she got her concert t-shirt and I officialy snagged the "best sister of the year (ever) award".

My Thoughts... on Marriage

2008-07-03T23:49:00.004-04:00

Three of my best friends are getting married this summer. As long as they are happy, I'm happy for them. I'm actually going to be in the bridal party for one of them and it's made me think a lot about the institution and what my opinions on it are. So I started asking myself some questions and this is what I found:

What is my first thought when it comes to marriage?

I think Mae West said it best, ""Marriage Is a Great Institution, but I'm Not Ready for an Institution Yet. "

Do I actually want to get married?

Sure (some day in the very (very, very) distant future)

Do I believe a marriage can last in this day and age?

Absolutely (trust me, if my parents can make it work anyone can)

How will I know when I'm ready to get married?

A co-worker and I were talking about marriage and when I said I'm totally not ready to be married anytime soon because I'm not ready to be tied down or be responsible for anyone else but myself, she couldn't have agreed more. She said that if that's how I'm looking at it, as though it's a burden, I'm definitely not ready. She went on to explain she knew she needed to marry her husband when after years of being together, she couldn't wait to get home to him, to talk to him, to see him. When she couldn't imagine coming home to anyone else. When doing the things she'd never liked before was no longer a pain but a joy because she knew how much it would bless him to have all his socks tucked away properly or that special pie for dessert. When making him happy made her happy and vice versa is when she knew they were ready to get married. I thought that was great, the way she made it sound, you could tell she was married to her best friend and couldn't be happier. I'm sure there is no set way to determine when you're ready to get married, but there are a million ways to tell when you're not.

I personally don't believe that marriage is something that is right for everyone and I definitely don't believe that 'gun-shot wedding' is always (or ever) the answer for certain situations. I think the reason why so many marriages fail today is that people don't enter it with a "failure-is-not-an-option" attitude. It's more like "we'll-give-it-a-try-and-if-it-doesn't-work-out-we'll-get-a-divorce" way of thinking. I'm sure all marriages require work and attention as a key to success. When you start on the right foot of making the decision that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and have put in the proper time and thought in making that decision your chances for happy marriage can only be increased. When the decision to marry is rushed or something you feel pressured into, I'm positive, that doesn't help your chance for survival. I don't even like to be rushed to place an order at a restaurant, I can't imagine what it is like for people who feel rushed into a marriage. I'm of the opinion that should you and another person enter into a sexual relationship, you should be pretty darn certain that spending the rest of your life attached to them is a possibility. Does that mean if you get pregnant you must marry them? Not at all, it means should you get pregnant be aware that this person may become a permanent part of your life. I simply can't believe that if you get pregnant you must marry the father of the child. I know for a fact that children benefit from having two parents in their lives that love them, but that doesn't mean they have to be married to each other. If someone makes you totally miserable and brings out the worst in you, because you may have made the wrong (and stupid) decision of sleeping with them, you don't have to multiply the wrong (and stupid) choices by now marrying them. I've seen families were the parent's openly hate each other and staying together for the kids couldn't be more wrong.

Okay, I can see I'm beginning to ramble on and because I have a million and a half thoughts, I'll have to continue on another day. If I didn't cut myself off soon I would end up writing the night away and that (trust me) would make me even more unbearable on a Friday, when I know I'm working overtime on the Saturday (is there possibly a sadder occurrence in the world than having to work on a Saturday?? (I think not!))

That's just my thoughts for now, but you can bet that won't be the last you hear on the subject from me!

The F**king Jonas Brothers

2008-07-03T23:41:00.003-04:00

My 10 year old sister is in love with the Jonas Brothers. She has decided that she will one day marry Nick Jonas. I've never minded her obsession with them as up until recently they hadn't been all over the place. Since, Camp Rock came out 14 days ago, I've probably whatched the bloody thing 20 times (and believe me it wasn't worth watching the first time). They now have there own television show which basically shows you a day in their lives and to be honest I'm all for reality t.v., but to watch the same episode every single time it's aired, I think is deserving of the Best Sister Ever Award in and of itself. When she found out they were coming to Toronto, she begged to go to the concert, I (of course) stepped up and said if we got tickets I would go with her (simply because I didn't think either of my parents would make it through). I went Ticketmaster to purchase the tickets and was pleasantly surprised to see the price ranged from $20-$50, truthfully, compared to the tickets I buy, I thought it was a bargain. That was until I tried to purchase them and found the concert was completely sold out. Ticketmaster has this link (trying to be helpful as always (major sarcasm there)) to a site that may have some tickets available. I click on it thinking if it's not that bad I'll purchase my 2 tix and be on my merry way. It was fricking $100 for $20 tickets and $500-$600 for the $50 ones. I'm thinking good luck with that buddy if you actually think anyone is going to purchase Jonas Brothers tickets for that price. I've been checking back everyone once in a while see if anything reasonable had came up and every time I went back it seemed to get worse then before. When I checked last night someone had 12 almost front row tickets for $535 or $565 (something like that) and I'm thinking, watch that asshole end up with a bunch of stupid tickets left over. Sure enough this morning I checked the site and all 12 were gone. By the time all the service charges and everything is added that amounts to more than $7,000, some jerk just made over $5,000 (possibly more than $6,000) in profit because other people are just that stupid. It's a sad, sad day when someone pays $600 to sit in Molson Amphithatre seats. Sometimes I think the world is made up almost entirely of incredibly stupid people.

Vegas Baby!!!

2008-07-02T08:51:00.007-04:00

Vegas was a blast!!! I would probably need to write a novel to explain just how fantastic that entire trip was. 14 women in Las Vegas for a bachelorette party is not a concept that is easy to grasp or put into manifestation, but when it happens it is definitely a once in a life time experience. We tried to do it all and it felt like we just barely got the tip of the iceberg. I can now say that I am a fully certified stripper (with a stripper license to prove it!) We went to the Bodies Exhibition which was truly exciting for me as I had missed it here in Toronto a while back and was thrilled to finally get a chance to see. I can definitely say I wasn't disappointed. The only thing is that you can't take pictures inside the exhibition (in order to protect the features (which does make sense)). If you're ever in Vegas or any city with Bodies I would highly recommend it. Since no Vegas trip is complete without a show we went to see Alicia Keys (with Jordin Sparks and Ne-Yo). They were all phenomenal!! So good that I saw the show again when it came here to Toronto. Considering that we bought our tickets like 3 hours before the show, we had pretty good seats. There was also a lot of sightseeing and partying (A LOT of partying), but that's a story for another time.

No more pain in the ass!!

2008-07-02T08:38:00.005-04:00

So my bottom is almost completely healed and I couldn't be happier. After 6 months of having to wince every time I sit down I can now take a seat (mostly) pain free. If anyone wants to see the scar all they have to do is ask! Apparently what I had is called a perianal abscess and to be honest it was not very fun. Now that it's over and I'm free to enjoy life again (not that I really stopped (I did go to Montreal twice and Vegas for the first time while I was "suffering" from it)) I plan to enjoy it to the fullest (life that is not my ass) starting in Trinidad!!

Montreal or Bust!!

2008-04-13T02:08:00.004-04:00

So when I hear there's going to be a severe winter storm my first thought is let's take a trip to Montreal (Duh!! Isn't' that every one's first thought). So we hear the biggest storm of the century and Dan, Kristin and I head off for Steve's 31st B-day party. So, we start out on our adventure fully prepared, we rent the car, get full insurance, full up on gas and we're on our way. The first car you see in the ditch gets you kind of antsy, but when the first car is followed immediately by a second, an overturned truck and the car in front of you spins up, antsy is no longer the word. Dan thinking out loud questions why they're ending up in the ditch and we're not and then in classic Shakespeare fashion foreshadows the day's events by telling us he thinks we'll end up in the ditch.

The first time we get stuck (trying to turn into a service station parking lot) I realize my hairstyle is probably not going to make it all the way to Montreal (honestly my biggest concern at the time). We were caravaning with Tibor and Steph and at this point I think we we're only like 30 minutes behind them (that would change!) After Dan and I fruitlessly try to get us out of the ditch a saviour comes along in the form of a very large and angry truck driver, who basically single handedly pushes the car out of the snow. A little damp we continue on our way.

Around 6:30 (by this point Kristin's been driving for almost 8 hours) we stop for some nourishment. Towards the end our meal some police officers stop in and you can hear them talking about all the stupid people (we chose to believe they we're talking about specifically the cars ending up in ditches and not just those of us on the road). We shortly thereafter head out and not even 5 minutes later we're sitting there in the ditch. To make a long story very short apparently we did not have all the insurance we thought we did and ended up being rescued by Rick the tow truck man. Rick kindly warns us that the smartest thing to do would be to get off the road for at least a couple of hours. We thank him for his help and advice and (of course) continue on our way.

We get behind a plow and think smooth sailings are ahead. We smoothly sail right of the highway onto an off ramp not realizing the plow had been getting off. We follow it to a service station to change drivers and promptly get stuck for the second time. Two plow drivers eventually come to our aid and we're off again.

Apparently, the day had not been challenging enough as the weather at this point decided to Fuck with us (I hate to swear, but there are no other words to express the extent of how awful, horrendous, just plain mean the weather became). Complete white outs. We slow to a crawl but persevere we do.

We finally make it to Montreal and happen to show up on Steve and Suzy's street at the same time as Steph and Tibor (another long story as they should have been there hours ahead of us). We're looking for parking as T decides he's going to park in the gas station parking lot and we watch in horror as he's car gets stuck. Thinking we don't want to end up in the same situation we turn at the street and go to pull a u-turn and of course we get stuck for the 3rd and final time. So although we made it to Montreal around midnight, we didn't actually get inside until after 1 am. We gave Steve one of the biggest surprises I'm sure he's ever received and stayed up talking until 8 in the morning.

The big question: Was it worth it??

Abso-fricking-lutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to the Grind

2008-04-13T01:40:00.003-04:00

So after 3 months I've finally made my triumphant return to work. The first day back was great, I was all excited, couldn't sleep the night before, woke up early and everything (I just about skipped into work that morning). The second day I was still kind of excited, woke up early, wore clean clothes. By day three I was back to the pressing the snooze button 3 times, wait for the second bus and drag my feet as slow as possible on the walk to the building mode (it's scary how quickly you can adapt to a routine). Although I've only been gone 3 months a lot has changed, especially the people that are working there. The staff seems to have doubled in size and as if that wasn't bad enough (having to accustom myself to people working in my designated napping areas), I appear to have forgotten half of my co-workers names. I find myself walking through the halls responding to "Hey Marie, welcome back" with "Hey You!!" or "Hi Kar *cough* *cough*" and hoping their name actually begins with Kar. What was really sweet was that the office had passed around a get-well card which I received this first week back (accompanied by a very useful gift certificate). The only down side is I can't recognize half of the signatures on the card (which is sad, cause I'm sure it would help me figure out some of the names I've forgotten). Some of my favorite quotes are: "Quit faking and get back to work", "Take your time coming back to work but get well soon" and "This time has been a welcome reprieve, but do get well soon" (you can tell they really wanted me back). Overall, I'm really glad to be back as I was starting to develop a horrible Maury addiction (and was beginning to use the phrase "You are NOT the baby's father" on a daily basis) and my cell phone bill was going through the roof.

Oh yeah, and seeing my "friends" at work again is okay too!

2008-02-22T15:36:00.002-05:00

EVER WONDER ....

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?!

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Pain in the ...

2008-02-04T03:04:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I haven't felt like blogging much lately and let me explain why... This is what my day has consisted of for the past 2 weeks. I wake up around 9:30 am (you'll understand why later) I immediately pop 2 oxycodone... why you ask (great question) because in exactly one hour my torturer (more commonly referred to as a nurse) will show up. She will proceed to take a 2 foot length of salt-water soaked gauze and a giant toothpick and she will then shove that aforementioned gauze into an open wound in my "back". As much as you would hope the oxycodone would help, it really doesn't. All the oxycodone does is puts me to sleep for the next 5 hours. I wake up at 4:00 pm and spend the next 11 hours trying to get back to sleep to only fall asleep around 3:00 am. To say I'm not in the mood to write lately is an understatement. Maybe tomorrow I'll be in a better mood.

In-Salting Behaviour

2008-01-23T01:23:00.001-05:00

My dad tells this story about when he was living in Bristol. He and his family went to visit an old family friend in Paris and for the first night a big feast was prepared. Everyone sat down at the table to eat and before grace was said or a single person served my dad asked for some salt, pepper and ketchup. He states the hostess went off on such a tangent he thought she would have a heart attack (he was also glad for the first time to not be fluent in French as her comments where not very complimentary). What he had done to offend her he couldn't understand, but my grandmother knew exactly what occurred. He had been about as rude as any diner could. To salt one's food without tasting it first is unforgivably rude. It shows a lack of confidence in the skills of the chef. Additionally, it is an insult to both the chef and the dinner's host (if they are not one and the same). There is also a bigger life lesson to be found here, the person who salts their food prior to tasting has demonstrated a closed mind. They made a decision prior to analyzing the data before them. If they do that with something as inconsequential as the food they eat what about the more important aspects of life. This is the kind of person that leaps before they look, which we all know is not always the best way to make a decision. Beware of the food salter (no offence Pops)!

Virus Alert

2008-01-23T01:09:00.000-05:00

WORK VIRUS WARNING

There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive
any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, internet or simply
handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT START IT.

This has been circulating around our building for months and
those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at
"work" have found that their social life is deleted and their
brain ceases to function properly.

If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work"
at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with
the words "I've had enough of your crap... I'm off to the pub."
The "work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain.

If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the
document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your
hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and
order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this
action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be
of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest
cartoon ever.

Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do
NOT have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the
"work" virus has already corrupted your life.

A Warning for all my male friends...

2008-01-23T01:06:00.002-05:00

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs, to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer" to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, in cans, from taps, and in large "kegs."

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific-looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted . After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings, in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please forward this warning to every male you know. (And women with a sense of humour!) If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

He's Just Not Into You - Revisited

2008-01-22T02:27:00.003-05:00

So about a year ago I wrote this post and I have to admit it was one of my favourites. A friend of mine has questioned me on some of my assertions and so here is what I have to say. I made the statement that "If he is dating someone else he's just not into you." The main reason I think that girls have difficulty with that is for some reason we refuse to give up hope. Most girls as Suzy pointed out are willing to wait out a girlfriend under the belief that they are much better suited and eventually the guy in question will come to that realization. This false sense of hope is usually bolster by the actions of the guy in question. Guys in general are always looking for the next best thing. Even if the have the greatest thing in the world, they'll still keep an eye out for other possibilities. So he may call you or text you tease you or flirt, but at the end of the day he is still going home to someone else. The best and only option is to forget him and just move on. It's his loss not yours.

I think the biggest obstacle to recognizing that he is just not into you is a guy who possesses superficial charm. This is the guy that is super smooth and always tries to be engaging, charming, and slick. He is never shy or self-conscious and is not afraid to say anything. He is also quite cunning and manipulative and has learned exactly what to say and do to achieve his aim. He can be very difficult to identify as over the years he has managed to conceal his horns and his tail. Because he calls and remembers little details about you that may tell you he is interested but in what still needs to be determined. Taking it slow and getting to know someone is really the only way to truly decipher what a guy's interest is. For the most part the superficial charmer will not hang around too long and when he departs you should thank your lucky stars and do not even consider looking back.

There's more, but I'm tired (maybe later)

60 % of statistics are made up.....

2008-01-22T02:10:00.000-05:00

43.7% of all statistics are made up right on the spot.
But I promise that all the ones I post are 72% authentic ;p

Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.
How do I apply for the job of the tester that watches a cat fall twenty floors??

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
And I've been telling people my nose just keeps getting bigger and bigger and was accused of the Pinocchio Syndrome.

A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day!
I'm going to start keeping track and verify their findings

A giraffe has a 20-inch tongue.
And people think Gene Simmons is impressive!

A snail can sleep for three years.
I never thought I'd be jealous of snails!

Close to 80% of people who watch the Super Bowl on television, only do so to view the commercials.
I'm not alone!

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover may be killed in any manner desired.
For some reason I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

An adulterous Greek male was sometimes punished by the removal of his pubic hair and the insertion of a large radish into his rectum.
We really need to consider changing the laws in Canada. I don't know a single man that would be willing to cheat if such punishment existed here.

In Switzerland, it's against the law to slam your car door.
This would be my dad's favourite law. He has banned certain friends of mine from receiving rides due to too many door slamming infractions.

In Lebanon it's legal to have animal sex, but only with female animals. Animal sex with males is a capital crime.
I'm not even going to ask.

Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium!
Totally unsurprised. I wonder how a pharmacist would fill out that prescription.

Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't.
My mom loves romance novels (I think I'm going to throw up)

The average person spends 2 weeks of its life kissing.
Does that mean I've used up my quota??

If you fart constantly for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb
I think this means at the rate my dad goes he would have been able to produce at least 2 atomic bombs by now (as he gets older it only gets worse)

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
I dare you to try!

On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily!
This explains so much!

Once again...

2008-01-21T23:50:00.001-05:00

I am living on antibiotics and painkillers (thanks to a pain in my butt I don't feel like discussing) I've been pretty much laid up for the past 4 days which gave me way too much time to think (more like over think and over analyze). On the news this morning they announced that today was considered the most depressing day of the year. There was a long list of reasons. I think for most people depression is a choice. A lot of people choose to let things bother them, when in all honesty they could just let it go. I think the first time I recognized making a conscious decision was a couple of years ago when I was working the reception desk in my office. It was 8 o'clock in the morning the first customer came in and he was just miserable. He was rude and mean and uncooperative and he really tried to suck out all the energy and the positiveness I'd had to start the day. And as he walked away I remember at that moment thinking I wasn't going to let him ruin my day or affect the day of the other people I would come into contact with. I greeted the next client in line with a smile and "Good Morning" and proceeded on with my day. More recently I was truly tested on my ability to choose to not get depressed by the circumstances I'm in and to just keep moving on. About a week ago I was having a really bad day, everything that could go wrong had. I was already suffering from the pain in my butt, I got stuck at the bus station with no money and it would not accept my bank card (which it normally does), my cell phone was dying, connecting the bank used up all my daytime minutes I had left and it was way too cold outside. When I finally made it to the bank to sort out the bank card issue, I was feeling somewhat down. The teller heard me on the phone explaining to my mom exactly what had gone wrong that day and it was pretty apparent I wasn't thrilled with the service I had received from the bank so far. As I stepped up to talk to him I decided that there was no point on taking things out on him, he had nothing to do with had gone wrong and it wouldn't help me to get agitated with someone who was just trying to help. I think what truly surprised him is that after everything I had been through that afternoon is once I checked my card at the ATM and made sure everything was alright I went back and thanked him for his help. I think what I'm learning is to control my reactions regarding the situations I'm in. There's no point working myself up and getting upset when I at times have little to no control over what goes on around me other then how I choose to react.

Carry On...

2008-01-10T23:03:00.003-05:00

I never did know when to quit. My mom has always said I was the most persistent, tenacious, (annoying) child ever. It was just never in me to give up on things. Many of my teachers can attest to this as I sure 30% of the "A"s I ended up with started as "B"s. I can't honestly think of anything I've ever truly wanted or needed that I've given up on. I've consider it at times, but usually due to external pressures. Some times it really is a challenge to keep going knowing that there are so many obstacles there are ahead, but knowing that what I want is rarely ever simply handed over I carry on.

You Named It What!!!

2008-01-10T23:03:00.001-05:00

Gotta be

2008-01-10T23:02:00.001-05:00

This is my favourite song of all time. This will be my wedding song, it's the song I've played for every broken heart, the song I sing in the shower, I could probably sing it backwards if I had to. Last year I saw Jagged Edge in concert for the first time and it had to be one of the greatest moments of my life. This is and always will be MY SONG!

Him

2008-01-10T23:02:00.000-05:00

He's that guy that would bring a smile to your face just by thinking about him. He's the one that you would call and tell all your secrets to. The one you wanted to fall asleep on the phone with, so his would be the last voice you heard before you fell asleep and the first when you woke up. Your first kiss, your first love, your first everything. The guy you measure every other man against. The one you gave the key to your heart to and never got it back. The one that every time the phone rings, there's a knock on the door, the one new message in your inbox, you hope it's him. The one that made you feel beautiful in your sweats and tee. He's your Prince Charming...

Queen for the day

2008-01-09T00:12:00.000-05:00

Today I was proclaimed The Queen of the Office. It was quite an honour, which I accepted most graciously. As I was making my good morning round about the office a co-worker informed me she had left something at my desk for me to wear today. I was pleasantly surprised to find a crown sitting on my desk. She stopped by to say she had gotten the crown and a party and brought it in and was trying to decide who to give it to but it was an easy decision as I am so obviously The Queen of the office. It was a beautiful crown, silver with feathers and very shiny. I wore it proudly around the office all day. At times I would forget I was wearing it and wonder what people were staring at (you would think by now I would be accustom to people staring at me (no, I'm not conceited (OKAY, maybe just a little))). One co-worker took the crown to mean I've had a total psychotic breakdown. I don't think anyone was quite as startled by the crown as my father (whose exact words I believe were, "what is that sh*t on your head???) as we both had doctors appointments this afternoon, he was giving me a ride there and refused to let me leave the car with the crown. If I'd known wearing a crown garners as much attention as it did today, I would have started wearing one years ago.

Still waiting...

2008-01-08T23:14:00.000-05:00

I have to admit that someone disappointed me lately and I'm not quite sure why I am so surprised they did. I confided some things to a friend of mine (I'll call him Mikey) and it wasn't because I wanted an apology or to somehow change the past, I just felt like sharing it (just in one of those moods), so I sent off an email not really expecting a response, but just glad to get it off my chest. To my delight he called and we discussed things and I was truly excited by the prospect of a new beginning. It was probably also really good to get his insight and opinions on different situations. We made some decisions and so far he has failed to follow through. I guess I can only wait and see.

Say Anything...

2008-01-08T00:43:00.000-05:00

In the movie Say Anything John Cusack sends his love interest this really great letter, it was very sweet and romantic (the kind of letter all teenage girls want from their boyfriends but never get). Before she gets the letter she breaks up with him and he of course is hurt and crushed. He tries repeatedly to call her and only gets the answering machine and finally he leaves her this message, "Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I'm been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later." Sometimes I really feel like saying that to people. The maybe I don't really know you and you were just a mirage. Or asking them to forget or erase different things I've said or done or written. For them to nuke it, flame it, just destroy because it really does hurt to know it's out there in the world.

Someone once told me...

2008-01-07T23:06:00.000-05:00

You can't step over the same river twice. It was in regards to an "opportunity" that I would be passing up. In my youthful ignorance I laughed in there face and said not only would I be able to step over it twice but a million times because the river would always there waiting for me. I went back to the river recently expecting it to be unchanged, like a moment frozen in time. I could not have been more wrong, the river had grown and changed and apparently forgotten me. I realized I had crossed too quickly when first I went this way and not taken the time to recognize it's beauty or appreciate it's peacefulness. I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a tiny sliver of one hour. I dripped it carelessly. I didn't know, I held opportunity.

Hard to explain

2008-01-07T16:02:00.000-05:00

I'm not a touchy person. I like to believe that for the most part I let things roll of my back. In general I would say it takes a lot to offend me (I mean A LOT). During the course of my work, I listen to peoples stories and hear their sides or perspectives of things and admittedly at times they say things that are not the most appropriate (especially in regards to other ethnic groups). Today someone said something and it was in such a deregatory manner I couldn't help but take offense. When you have no idea of whose on the other line of the phone, I can't imagine why people feel as comfortable to say the things they do. What he said wasn't super horrible or hateful, it was just rude and ignornant. To be honest I'm still kind of shocked. He stated a stereotype as fact and it just really bothered me. That's all I have to say on that for now.

2008 the "Big Picture"

2008-01-07T12:48:00.001-05:00

There's a lot planned for this year. I'm not going to say I have resolutions, but I do have things I would like to get done. Leslie has said that to be included in my list is travelling with Leslie. This means for sure this year I'm either heading to Australia or the Philippines. There is also a family reunion in Trinidad, which my father has decided to turn into a real vacation (of the all-inclusive variety). Both items mean a lot of time on the beach. That in turn brings out the requirement for a beach body. In the never ending chain reaction that means diet and exercise. Diet and exercise results in a grumpy but good looking me. So it looks like for the next 5months there will be a lot of running. School starts again tonight I'm on the path for my first university "A". The goal for the next school year is to go back to full time student status (for some reason it's not quite as impressive when I say I work full time and I'm a part time student). That will require money, which will require overtime, which again results in a grumpy me. To the dismay of many (many = my psychiatrist and jeweller)I've decided to retreat from the world of relationships (I'm not quite sure what this means yet, when I figure it out I'll let you know). So here it is:

- Travel with Leslie (Australia and/or Philippines)
- Earn lots of money (Overtime)
- Vacation with family (Trinidad and Margarita)
- Develop beach body (Eat right and exercise)
- Focus on school (Full time student status)
- No more boys (unless I'm really bored)
- Not became a grumpy bitch (haven't figured out how to achieve that one yet)
- Marry Rich (if the opportunity presents itself)
- Record a hit album (again, if the opportunity presents itself)

Most importantly I will endeavor to not kill anyone regardless of how much they are asking for it.

It's Taser party time

2008-01-07T12:29:00.000-05:00

When I was 14 or 15 my cousins from D.C. and a friend of theirs came up to Toronto for a visit. The friend, John, had just finished a trip to see his dad in Florida and as a gift he had received a taser (I'm 99% sure it should not have crossed the boarder, but it did). John was quite proud of his taser and you could see he was just itching for an excuse to use (and he almost did on drunk, homeless guy after our trip to the Ex). John had been pulling it out of his pocket and playing with it all day and we all kept telling he should just leave it alone. As we piled back in to the car to head him, we heard the loudest scream I think I've heard in my life. John had put the taser in his back pocket and when he sat down he set it off and it tasered his ass. To this day whenever the subject of a taser comes up, I can't help but get a little smile on my face.

I found the article on taser parties quite interesting. I can understand the appeal of being able to defend yourself with something that is easy to use, will disable your attacker and for the most part not be lethal. However, I'm sure if I purchased one the appeal to use it on my brother would be overwhelming. As well, I'm sure karma would see to it that I taser myself in the ass at least twice. I've done the self defense courses and read the articles and make sure to keep myself out of situations that would require self-defense, I still see the upper hand the taser gives as very beneficial.

The Bathroom

2008-01-06T23:38:00.000-05:00

I'm suppose to be cleaning the bathroom right now and it is task I find most bothersome. How it manages to get to the state its in is something I'll never know. I had to leave the area for a moment as the 3 tile cleaners I used (appearently they should not be used at the same time) were giving off fumes, resulting in the death of enough brain cells for me to feel light headed. I'm feeling kind of proud of myself as the toilet has not been working for a couple of months and I've finally figured out what was wrong (the problem could have been figured out almost the day it had happened if I had just asked my dad). Right now I'm just procrastinating as I really don't want to go back in there. There's something about cleaning the bathroom that just feels so wrong. I NEED a maid. While on the topic I could also use a chauffeur, chef, pilot, hair stylist and makeup artist (preferably all in one). If anyone is interested please drop me a line;p

P.S. (I'm Still Not Over You)

2008-01-06T22:29:00.002-05:00

I love this song...

(and just thought I'd share)

"What Men SHOULD Know About Women"

2008-01-05T14:33:00.001-05:00

Just before Christmas I was in the bookstore and I noticed a book called something like "What Men Know About Women". It looked to be about 100 pages, which surprised me, until I opened it up realized it was blank inside, not a single word was written. It's surprising the number of things my girlfriends and I would love guys to know but wish they could figure it out without having to say anything. So here's a list I found on the Internet and thought it would be a good starting point.

When she walks away from you mad
- Follow her

When she stares at your mouth
- Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you
- Grab her and don't let go

When she starts cussing at you
- Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
- Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
- Give her your attention

When she pulls away
- Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
- Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
- Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
- Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
- Protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder
- Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat
- Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
- Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
- reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
- Back yourself up

When she says that she likes you
- she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands
- Hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
- bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
- keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
- don't look away until she does

When she misses you
- she's hurting inside

When you break her heart
- the pain never really goes away

When she says its over and waits for a response
- she still wants you to be hers

You should always:

- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's OK don't believe it, talk with her

- Know 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

And most importantly...

- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

I think if boyfriends/husbands followed these simple guidelines their lives would be much happier.

Nice Guys?

2008-01-04T21:00:00.003-05:00

Okay so this post can be blamed on a friend of mine that I won't call bitter (although the term comes to mind), instead we'll call her jaded. As we were discussing the lack of nice guys, we both had to admit something. The nice guys never took a risk. They never asked you out, never went for a stolen kiss, never asked for a dance. They were content to let the jerks do all the work. The jerks had no problem asking for a date,or a kiss, or more. Then when we started dating the jerks at first you could see they were fine with the jerk as they expected him to not last long and if they thought that could get away with it, they would badmouth the jerk behind his back. Slowly, you stopped talking to the nice guy as it always seemed awkward and forced. One day you wake up and realize the nice guy has disappeared and all your left with is the jerk. Personally, I kind of admire the jerk, I'm sure it takes a lot of hard work to be as uncaring and selfish as they normally are and their ability to lie and deceive is truly masterful. So the point I was getting to was that the nice guy only has himself to blame, if he had stepped up and taken a chance I'm sure it would have worked out in is favour. If anything the nice guy should be blamed for assisting in the formation of so many bitches in the world. Being a bitch can be completely avoided if a female never comes in contact with a jerk. What happens is there is a chemical reaction that occurs when a female and a jerk collide and it results in a bitch. Had the nice guy simply stepped up, the majority of the world's bitches could have been avoided. If anything the nice guy is the root of all that is wrong in relationships.

In my humble opinion...

2008-01-02T07:28:00.000-05:00

I think the world would be a much better place if I had the power to make people instantly smarter. Like the lady at Second Cup who has no understanding of basic mathematics and always manages to mess up my change. Or the bus driver who sees the passenger running for his life to catch the bus and takes off just as the passenger is only two steps away. Additionally, my brother who needs to be smarter in so many different aspects of life it is not worth just mentioning one. Then there are the parents who (I'm sure) see the signs saying do not take open strollers on the escalator and still insist on doing so (to be honest I'm usually the person standing behind them that points out the sign and mentions how moronic some parents are). There are so many people who would benefit if I had such a power, especially men. Far be it for me to speak poorly about the weaker sex, but for the most part I find that they are not the most intelligent of creatures. Generally if you don't beat them over the head with a concept it rarely ever sinks in. (It's quite possibly I'm just in a bitchy mood and half of this post will be deleted when I come to my senses (or more likely I'm just being honest, in which case this post will remain entirely intact). There are numerous examples of males lacking in common sense that come to mind. Those that don't call when they should, those that lead females on when they know they shouldn't, those that fail to make the first move (or any move for that point), the ones that forget to make the small gestures or don't even think about making the big ones. Those are the guys I'd like to make smarter, not necessarily for my sake, but for every female that has to interact with them. *SIGH* if only I could rule the world.

Taking Chances...

2008-01-02T07:01:00.000-05:00

I am a firm believer in not living with regrets. I never want to be one of those people that 20 years down the road realize my life isn't where I wanted it to be and have a million and one regrets of things I haven't done. I know I'm still young and learning as I go along, but I can't ever see myself as being one of those to not take a risk for fear of failure. Recently, I took two very big chances, one I expected to have totally blow up in my face and the other I thought would simply be ignored. Both (for now) have had really positive outcomes and I can gladly say I'll never wonder "what if" in regards to both situations.

Are you effing serious??

2008-01-02T06:47:00.000-05:00

I seem to keep asking this question a lot lately. I'm not sure if it's just me, if the world has gone off kilter and no one else has noticed, or if I've simply lost it and it's taken a while for me to realize it. People will do something or say something and I find myself sitting there thinking "Are you effing serious?" (in my mind it is really effing not f**king as I still don't enjoy swearing). I've decided to stop asking why as it only leads to further confusion. From now on I will endeavour to spit out a "that's good" and call it a day.

An answer to a question all females have asked...

2008-01-02T03:32:00.000-05:00

Okay, so when it's 3 o'clock in the morning and I'm bored I have a tendency to search the Internet for stupidness. Usually I'll start out with MSN (both .com and .ca), from there I go wherever the wind blows. Tonight the wind blew me to craigslist. Where I stumbled upon one the answer to the question every single female asks herself (okay so right now, I don't quite qualify as a single female, but in the name of sisterhood I still think this a fair question for me to be asking)

WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE NICE GUYS?

I wondered for a long time where they had all gone and or had I simply imagined them. Since according to the dissertation below I contributed in their disappearance, I ask the world to please accept my most humble apology and I can guarantee I will refrain from ever again assisting in the extermination of "Nice Guys".

People ask this one a lot around here, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

Another year comes to an end....

2008-01-01T06:02:00.001-05:00

I can't say I'm sorry to see last year go. The majority of 2007 has sucked out loud. The year started out fantastic with a trip to South Africa with some of my closest friends. As the year progressed I can honestly say there were a lot of highs and lows (for some reason more lows then the average year). Fortunately, I've decided to look at the 2007 year as a drop out year (Like your CPP your lowest income earning years are dropped out to not adversely affect your pension (yes, I know I'm a dork)). So, I'm going to pretend for the most part that 2007 never occurred and carry on with life. Last year will be considered a bump in the road of a life that will be a long and successful one. 2008 is going to be my year, I've claimed it, stamped it, made it official (I work for the government, I can do that.) So all I can say is 2008 better look out.

Just wondering...

2007-12-31T12:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, so you know when your young and you meet the first little boy you're going to marry (the one without the cooties) and you pick out your wedding day and your dress and the number of kids you'll have and decide that this is true love and not just a grade 1 fling. And then you grow older and you get boobs and he gets pimples and then he notices that other girls have boobs (of course you notice that he noticed those other boobs) and inevitably you move on and grow up and notice other pimply faced boys and your last name changes a million times, in your mind (Marie Seda, Marie Smith, Marie Alomar (yes, as in Roberto Alomar (who was suppose to see past our 14 year age difference and declare his undying love))). So, you and that first little boy drift apart and every once in a while you think about him, maybe give him a call to see how he is doing. Does anyone ever go back to that first little boy? Can a grade 1 fling really be true love?

Ain't Gonna Hurt Nobody

2007-11-29T09:57:00.001-05:00

You only live once, so I figure why not make it worthwhile.

Just Thought I'd Share

2007-10-24T07:35:00.000-04:00

This morning for some reason i bought a package of applesauce. I'm usually not a fan of mushy food, but i just felt in the mood for some. When my little sister was about 6 months old i was playing with her shortly after my mom had finished feeding her. I was holding her up in the air and asking who the cutest baby in the world is. While in the middle of said sentence she spit up and it land right in my mouth. For some reason my applesauce reminded me of that episode (I don’t think I'll be eating applesauce again.)

For some reason the sock in my left shoe won't stay up.

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want. i seem to be in that state quite often.

Last Saturday i spent most of the day hanging out with a 6 year old, it's sad that that was the most intellectual conversation I've had in a while (finally, someone who gets me).

When you die your hair will still appear to grow for a couple of months.

Next year is my parent's 30th anniversary and my dad's -- th birthday. I'm trying to think of something nice to do for them (but being nice is so far out of my realm, I'm finding it quite the challenge).

Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day. (the 6 year old connection is beginning to make even more sense).

queer eye for the wizarding guy

2007-10-24T06:53:00.000-04:00

I'm a huge Harry Potter fan; I even took a college course on the wizarding novels. I've been in the line ups for the books and movies and finished the majority of the books usually within a day. I have to admit that I’m not completely surprised J.K. Rowling outed Dumbledore. If you read the final book in the series Harry Potter and the deathly hallows there were a couple of passages that would indicate that Dumbledore might be waving the rainbow coloured flag come gay pride weekend. I think what bothers me about her decision to out Dumbledore is that it added nothing to the story. The fact that Dumbledore is gay adds no value to the plot or his character development. Dumbledore as with the majority of the professor at Hogwarts were always asexual. Digging into their personal lives seemed unimportant. We didn't care if McGonagall had husband and kids or had previously been employed as a stripper or if Trelawney was widowed and had 6 dead husbands or was addicted to crack and developed a heroin problem. What mattered to the reader is how those characters were able to assist Harry and the affect they had on his life. To be honest I’m a little disappointed that Rowling felt the need to share that part of Dumbledore’s life with us. I'm sure next she'll be telling us that Voldemort was really Harry’s father.

I want my bed!

2007-10-22T07:15:00.000-04:00

I'm getting a cold. Not one of the "Hi I'm just here to make you sound stupid and go through 3 boxes of Kleenex" kind, I've got the "I'm here to play the drums in your head, make your eyes look like you've just lost your best friend and your face look like the snotty faced kid from Bad Santa". I can't remember making it from my bed to work this morning, but miraculously I'm here. My face hurts, my eyes hurt, my teeth hurt, my nose hurts, even my pinkie finger hurts (I don't think that's related but decided to throw it in anyways). I feel this way with the Sudafed working, I'd hate to imagine how I would feel if it wasn't. I should be going to class tonight, but have decided to give into my body instead and will be going home to rest (read Archie Comics).

I've Missed You

2007-10-22T07:05:00.000-04:00

So more and more often lately I've had the urge to blog. In fact there have been many times when I'm sitting on the bus and I'll write 2 or 3 posts in my mind, but for some reason (laziness) they never make it on the computer. I've written a million posts on my trip to Cape Town and the Cottage this summer. Hundreds on my little sister growing up too fast and at least a dozen on why I hate taking the bus. I find that since certain people (*cough* my dad *cough*) were made aware of my blog, I've been censoring myself without even getting it out of my head. Writing this blog used to be my favourite time of day, I would go on right before bed and get whatever was on my mind out in the open or first thing in the morning so I could start each new day fresh. I think for my mental health it is vitally important that I make a return to the blogging world.

Relationships

2007-10-22T06:55:00.000-04:00

I had a phone conversation with a friend of mine and I found what they had to say kind of upsetting. They told me repeatedly that I should find a new boyfriend and by the third time it stopped sounding like a joke. I've learned from experience that you should never try and tell a friend how they should handle their romantic relationships as it is usually your friendship that suffers. If you tell them to leave and they decide to stay it really makes everything awkward. If you tell them to stay or to leave and they follow your advice they normally end up blaming you for their unhappiness. I find the best approach is let them make their own decisions and to let them know that regardless of what that decision is you'll be there as their shoulder to cry on, or bridesmaid or whatever they need, they can know you'll be there for them. My boyfriend might not be the richest or the smartest; he is however, the best looking, he's there for me, he supports me and most importantly he loves me. I've seen people go through some awful relationships and if you weren't looking closely you would have thought that they had met their perfect match. My boyfriend might not look or act perfect, but he is perfect for me and that’s all that should really matter to the people in my life.

The email

2007-10-22T06:11:00.000-04:00

I was mean to someone the other day. I was rude and disrespectful and I said words I normally don't say. I wrote it all down and went back and forth a million times trying to decide if it should be sent and finally hit the send button. I felt awful afterwards, I wished I could reach into the computer and take it all back. I considered apologizing or asking the person not to read it and then decided not to bottle it inside, left it as is, went to bed and I would deal with it in the morning. I woke up with the sunrise and thought today is too beautiful a day to waste reliving the feelings of yesterday and choose to leave the computer off and deal with it tomorrow. It finally came time to see the consequences of my actions. I logged in and saw that there had been an almost immediate reply. The response was nothing what I had expected it to be, it was simply indifference. It's sad that it bothered me so much to send that one stupid email and that the person receiving it couldn't have cared less.

Bio

2007-10-22T05:57:00.000-04:00

Borrowed without Permission from Karen

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Caesar or Thousand Island.

Q. What is your favourite fast food restaurant?
A. Wendy's

Q. What is your favourite sit-down restaurant?
A. Wendy's

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. A big one, normally 15%-20% depending on the service.

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick off of?
A. Breakfast (eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, etc.)

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. Mushrooms, pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, ground beef

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. Peanut Butter and Jelly

Q. What is your favourite type of gum?
A. Trident White - Peppermint

TECHNOLOGY

Q. what is your IQ?
A. Through the roof, somewhere around 200 ;p

Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
A. too many considering I only use like 20 of them.

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. My boyfriend and my little sis

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. Like I'd gave you another reason to break into my house ;p

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right-handed.

Q. What’s your best feature?
A. All of them

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Brain

Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. Smell

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. Timothy T.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. Yep!

BULL[CRAP]OLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. Not really, I like surprises.

Q. Is love for real?
A. Yes.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. I've kind of gotten used to my name, though I've always liked Sunshine

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Green or Red (just not together)

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Yup, (is this suppose to be a dirty question?)

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. I'm sure I have

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Yup, many times.

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. Of course.

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. On the cheek, on their face, Yup.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. NO, I like my fingers

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Sure, my phone bill would go through the roof.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Nope, each boob is worth at least a Million.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. A very small bottle, why not?

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. No.

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. In a heart beat.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Dirty Tissue and coins

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: I haven't even seen it!

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: carpet (really awful carpet)

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Stand

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: Yes

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: 7

Q: Where were you born?
A. Trinidad

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: 1998 - Washington, D.C.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Rich, smart, beautiful, loved, happy, etc...

LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend you talked to?
A. Dan

Q: Last person who called you?
A: Dan

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Dan

Q: Person you kissed?
A: Dan

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 3

Q: Colour?
A: Blue - aqua blue

Q: Season?
A: Spring

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: I guess

Q: Mood?
A: Grumpy

Q: Listening to?
A: garbage being collected

Q: Watching?
A: Computer

Q: Worrying about?
A: Nothing

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: The bus stop

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Go home and sleep

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: The Game plan

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Always.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: NEVER.

Tina is...

2007-07-06T07:46:00.000-04:00

Tina is very tired today. Sometimes when she is tired she refers to herself in the third person. It's going to be another very long and tiring weekend. Tina may or may not be heading out to the something, something Tavern this evening (Tina has forgotten the name and is not intentionally not saying where she is going). One of Tina's favourite cousins is getting married tomorrow (Tina is now officially tired of the third person). My cousin and I grew up together and it's really weird to think of him as a married man (just as weird as it is to think of Steve in those terms). I went to get my hair done last night. Again, those of you not familiar with black (nappy) hair do not understand the full implications of getting my hair done. Because it has been styled in order to not mess it up, I'm not allowed to sleep. I'm now in my 28th hour of wakefulness and I'm fading fast. I'm really excited for my cousin and I think I have a great surprise for him. One of his good buddies growing up went away to school and just came back to town recently and I've invited him to come to the wedding with me. Italian weddings from my experience are usually the most fun. I've stopped hiding when they announce that the bride is about to throw her bouquet. I've learned it makes too big a scene with some people, so I quietly join the crowd and keep my arms tightly to my side and sneak to the opposite direction when I figure out which way the bouquet is going. The last thing my family (*cough* Grandmother *cough*) needs is any encouragement in their (her) quest to see me married by next year.

Update

2007-07-06T07:24:00.000-04:00

Where's Marie is currently being updated. I'm hoping to get a lot more pictures from Cape Town on there. So if you like be on the look out.

Could you be more annoying???

2007-07-05T07:46:00.000-04:00

Okay, so there were a couple of things that really got on last nerve yesterday. For example the taxi cab driver that had the clock set 10 minutes slow so I thought I was getting to work right on time when in fact I was 10 minutes late and as a result of not realizing at the time gave him a much bigger tip than he deserved.

I love the rain. It's actually my favourite type of weather. The only time me and the rain fall out are when it decides to fall right after I've had my hair relaxed (straightened for those of you who aren't familiar with black (in other words nappy) hair). It's even worse when the wind is blowing the rain in all directions so regardless of how you hold the umbrella you get absolutely no coverage.

Speaking of umbrellas nothing ticks me off more than those people on the bus who decide it is necessary to give their sopping wet umbrellas it's own seat. This means that even if they later decide to do the right thing and give up the seat to someone who needs it, the gesture is totally empty as the person gets a nasty surprise when they sit right into the puddle the umbrella has made (it might not be the same on the TTC buses but here in York region we have clothe covered seats and it can be very difficult to tell if they are wet or not).

My next favourite thing on the bus is hitting the school stops just as school lets out. There are few things more fun than sharing a packed, wet, muggy bus with 30 loud, obnoxious teenagers.

I think from now on I'll just walk home on rainy days.

Life is Complete

2007-07-05T07:45:00.000-04:00

This weekend I had one of those moments that will go down in the history of my life as one of the greatest moments of my life. I've been in love with Jagged Edge from the second I heard the song "I Gotta Be". Seeing them perform it live was something I thought I'd never get to experience. When they starting to sing it at the concert on Saturday I swear my entire body was covered in goose bumps. I turned to my best friend sitting beside me and told her exactly how I felt (I would have turned to my boyfriend, but I believe he was out getting his 5th or 6th beer for the evening) "My life is complete". As pathetic as it is to believe I think there are very few moments in life that will top that experience (maybe childbirth (but I plan to be so medicated I won't remember my name for the following 3 days)). Now all that's left is to see Boyz II Men on July 12th (I'm 93% sure I'll end up pissing my pants that day from being so excited (it might also be because of my weak bladder)). Ahhh… The music of my life.

New Thoughts…

2007-07-05T07:32:00.000-04:00

I've been running into a lot of people from my past and every one says the exact same thing… I haven't changed a bit! I'm not sure is that good or bad. Does that mean I look young or just that I used to look old. I don't know or care much and to be honest if take a picture of me from when I was twelve and one from right now the only difference would be that I'm (probably) better dressed now and my makeup doesn't look like it was done in the dark, during a very bumpy car ride.

Did you ever have one of those stories, where it's a great story but because of who it is about you really shouldn't tell it… SO, here it is… Two friends of mine had nothing to do a couple Sundays ago and so they decided to get drunk. As they were sitting there totally plastered one friend (we'll call him friend N) turns to the other and says "I have to go to bed". The other friend (I think we'll call him friend P) says "'N' you're pretty drunk you should stay here for a while and just chill", but N insists that he must go to bed and finally gets up to leave. A little while later P's girlfriend comes home and finds the house in total chaos. Apparently, N had gone upstairs and he must of found it too hot as he started to strip as he got to the top step. His shirt had landed in his sister's room, a shoe had ended up in the bathtub and N had ended up naked on his parent's bed as he had locked the door to his room and couldn't find the key. P's girlfriend (Q) come into the house and was immediately given the duty of finding N's keys which were somewhere in the house, but nowhere where they should be. Once Q stopped laughing (it only took her 10 or 20 minutes) she found P who in his drunken state surprisingly found N's keys rather quickly and P and Q spent the remainder of the night ever so often breaking into fits of the giggles.
(Sorry for the confusion there, but it was so funny I had to share in some form or fashion)

After some extended sick leave I'm finally back to work. Unfortunately, there are many aspects of the job I feel I have to learn all over again. It really almost feels like I'm starting a new job the amount of refreshing and new training I've had to give myself. I guess the lesson learned is stay healthy and I won't have to deal with this again (admittedly, I don't much blame myself for the pneumonia).

For some reason I never seem to make it to the bathroom before my bladder has reached emergency status. I think the problem is I'm still sitting at my desk waiting for permission to use the bathroom and I'll end up waiting there until it is do or die time. I'm almost sure that the damage I've caused to my bladder is irreparable and anytime now I'm going to have to start wearing Depends (or even worse Tena's).

Payback

2007-07-05T06:01:00.000-04:00

I have to recognize that what I do unto others will most probably be done unto to me. For years I have found nothing more entertaining than going out to dinner with friends and telling the server it was one friend's birthday when it wasn't and watching the look of disbelief on my friends faces as the servers would walk out singing "Happy Birthday" and they would be trying to figure out exactly what is going on. This has gone on for years with very little payback. About a month or so ago that all changed. Seeing as I finished my program with a 4.0 GPA I easily won (actually tied for) the award for my college offers. The award ceremony is held once every spring and I invited my entire family and my boyfriend to attend. A couple of weeks before the ceremony my boyfriend and I had gone out for dinner to Montana's and I once again pulled of the fake birthday surprise. He took it really well, no blurting out "it's not my birthday" and there was no talk of revenge, all I got was "very funny" (he looked super cute in the horns so I figured he had nothing to complain about!). Back to my award ceremony… so we finally get to my category and I'm fortunate enough to have the teacher who had seen me through most of the program there to present me with the award. As she announces my name she tells the crowd not only am I receiving the award today it is also my birthday. The entire crowd starts to yell "Happy Birthday" and I'm getting pats on the back and all I can think to say is "It's not my birthday!". As I'm saying it for the third time, I look over and I see my boyfriend practically on the floor laughing so hard he can't breath. Apparently, before the ceremony he had gone to the ladies in charge and informed them it was my birthday and had even convinced them to let him go to the front of the room when my award was called and lead the crowd in singing "Happy Birthday". Fortunately, when the time came he was laughing so hard he couldn't make it to the front of the room to follow through. After the ceremony the ladies in charge came up to me to let me know my boyfriend is a "Very, Naughty Boy!!"

What can I say… Payback is a bitch!!!

(At least he got me good)

I'm Deaf

2007-05-15T13:50:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition.

The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....

The race began....

Honestly:

No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

You heard statements such as:

"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"

"They will NEVER make it to the top."

or:

"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one....

Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher....

The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....

But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....

This one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out....

That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is:

Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic.... because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have.

Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!

Therefore:

ALWAYS be....

POSITIVE!

And above all:

Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!

Always think:

God and I can do this!

Nothing New

2007-05-15T13:47:00.000-04:00

In two days tomorrow will be yesterday. Today is no special day and I have no particular reason for writing... I have no news to share.... nor any problems to discuss.... or gossip to tell... It's only one of those happy moments... when I thought of someone special... and I would like to share these thoughts with you...

MANY SMILES BEGIN BECAUSE OF ANOTHER SMILE...

Pain in my heart

2007-05-14T10:54:00.001-04:00

Otis Redding has been one of my favourite singers for as long back as I can remember. When I was little on Saturday mornings my dad and I would always sing and dance in the living room as Otis sung in the background. The songs I always loved and made sure he played every time was Dreams to Remember and Pain In My Heart. Both songs talk of heart ache and pain and I don't think I fully understood them until recently. Did your ever imagine something happening a certain way. You get all excited just by the thought and hope the real thing turns out to be half as good and just that half measure would make you happy. I had a dream lately. I was all excited and fulled with anticipation, this time thinking that with even a quarter I would be more than content. Unfortunately, I was way off. Some dreams it really hurts to remember. I almost wish I didn't have those dreams because this situation wouldn't be as painful. The Pain in my heart is pretty constant. It hasn't let up in days. I'm pretty tired of feeling this way. It would be nice to not care but it seems I no longer have the option. I just wish that someone would Try a Little Tenderness.

I'M BACK!!!

2007-05-01T12:53:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know it's been a long time and I've been a very bad blogger. Well I'm back now and this time it's for good. I've missed the blogging world. I can't take all the blame for my absence. It was the evil Facebook. It's like a drug or a cult, it just sucks you in (in case you haven't joined yet go to www.facebook.com (Oh no, I've become a Facebook pusher)). I've had the worst flippin cold lately (I'm in the middle of week 3 right now), I've managed to share it with most of my family (Misery loves company (just call me Kathy Bates). I've slept probably 39 of the past 48 hours. Need nap now!!

Later

Turning the page

2007-03-18T05:25:00.001-04:00

The only way to find out the ending of a story is to turn the page. Once you turn that last page the story ends. It's not always a bad thing as all stories deserve an ending.

Let's Stay Together

2007-03-16T01:27:00.000-04:00

I love Lyfe Jennings, talk about a man with a beautiful soul. The things I'd do to him...

Blogging vacation postponed

2007-03-08T02:45:00.000-05:00

So I was planning to take a blogging break. I had every intention of giving it up for a month of rest and relaxation and fingertips that aren't numb on Tuesday nights (seems to be when I feel the most like writing). Seeing as I got called out today as an ex-blogger, I felt compelled to post. So here it is, it's weak and boring, oh well, suck it up!!

Until we meet again,
MS

He's Just Not Into You

2007-02-23T03:56:00.000-05:00

I totally understand why this is such a hard concept for most females to grasp. In thier search for The One (if you don't know, you better ask someone) they like to believe that with everyone there is the possibility for something more. Fortunately, I don't suffer from this disease. For the most part I tend to believe most people man and woman alike are simply after the coveted position as one of my flunkies... I mean friends. Basically, unless a man (and yes, it must be a man) spells it right out for me (MS, I love you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby) I normally don't believe that he is (God only knows why) for some reason secretly in love with me or has been pining after me. I don't think of the male of the species as very complicated or difficult to understand. For the most part men only want two things in life (sex and once that need as been fulfilled someone to look after them (I'm just stating what I've been told (any complaints should be lodged with Diogo))). Knowing this makes it infinitely easier to see when he is just not into you.

First thing to consider is communication. If a guy is interested he will call, text, send smoke signals, whatever he feels is necessary to contact you. If he fails to instigate any form of communication that doesn't bode well for you. Please, whatever you do, don't excuse away the missed "I'll call you back later". There are 24 hours in a day, if he has time to eat 7 square meals, get in some Playstation 3 and talk with his boys, he should be able to squeeze in a 2 minute phone call to you somewhere. Making excuses for him is the worst thing someone can do while suffering under the "I know he really cares for me" delusion.

The next thing to keep in mind is does he remember the big things. I'm not talking about birthdays or what zodiac sign you are on the Chinese calendar. Does he remember your name is a great starting point. If every conversation starts with "Who is this?" my educated guess would have to be that he is really not that interested. Does he remember what you do for a living or things you talked about in your last conversation (like how many of his children you wish to bear (never a good conversation point until you've trapped him into (I mean helped him to realize what a great ideal it would be) walking down the aisle)? When a guy is truly interested he'll remember the details (like what you had for breakfast 3 Mondays ago) even those things you really don't want him to remember (like the time you flashed a bus load of people (okay, that might just have been me)).

Another sure sign is does he talk about other girls to you. Generally, if he tells you about dates with other females (and goes into the graphic details (things you just never imagine two human beings doing to each other (a post for another day))). What he is trying to say in his simpleton way is that he is not interested and he is attempting to let you down easy (I don't know how or why their minds think like that, but apparently they do). By letting you know that his interest lies elsewhere you should actually take it as if he came out and said I'm sorry I'm into her not you (A man usually won't come out and say something so straight forward (I think honesty causes them a sort of allergic reaction which they try to avoid at all costs)) (I have this sinking suspicious that statement is going to not go over well with everyone). If he is dating someone else he's just not into you.

It boils down to this if a man really wants to be with you he will be. Come hell or high water he'll make every effort humanly possible. If he shows disinterest don't go making excuses for him or yourself.

Just My Thoughts on he is just not into you.
(Please keep in mind that it is nearing 4 o'clock in the morning and what little common sense I have at the best of times I'm sure by now has deserted me. If anything written above offends or bothers you in any way... SUCK IT UP!!! Sometimes the only way to prove something to others is to pull your pants down and show them that you've got a pair(I have to clue how that pertains to anything, I just like the saying)

Eat, Drink and Be Merry

2007-02-22T23:01:00.000-05:00

As per usual after class I stayed behind to talk with the professor. There's a group of about 8 of us that normally do. He asked if any of us know Mike who tends to be one of us that sticks around to chat for a while. I knew who he was talking of even though I can't say that Mike and I are well acquainted. It turns out that this classmate of mine may have had a heart attack and he was currently in the ICU at the hospital for observations and more testing to figure out exactly what is wrong. If you knew this guy you could never imagine that something like that would happen to him; he is only something like 25 years old, he's tall and skinny and appeared to be in good health. Thinking of him reminded me of a situation a couple of years ago. I used to do camp counseling every summer and you get to know each other pretty while after a summer together for 11 hours a day. For those that don't know in York Region there is a lot of training and seminars you must attend prior to the start of the summer. One of the counselors I'd hung out with the previous summer and I'd just spent March Break working with her boyfriend; we ended up partnering up at one of the all day seminars we had to attend. A couple of weeks later I found out she had gone out partying that night, come home and had a heart attack while she was sleeping and died. The explanation was that she had been anorexic for years and that it was too much strain on her body and her heart gave out. It was difficult to believe at the time because she seemed so normal. She was a beautiful girl, she had good grades and she didn't look the way you imagine someone suffering from anorexia would. She looked normal, healthy, athletic. Often when I think of her, I think of wasted potential, someone who when standing on the outside looking in, appeared to have everything going for her. At the time this was something like the 3 or 4 death of a high school student in our district. You heard the expression "Die young and leave a beautiful corpse" being bandied around a lot. Nothing was more upsetting than that stupid expression. I think we can all agree that by the time we die the condition of our corpse won't be a very pressing issue. I'd much rather know that I'd lived a good, long, happy life and left memories that could be thought of fondly. I have no problem with death. To accept mortality is the price that we pay to be human. Life can be difficult, frustrating, painful and we know there is a death sentence at the end, but to live life to the fullest carries its own peculiar glory. A life full of laughter and love is something that should be sought after and cherished. Although, I don't really know Mike and the most we've probably said to each other is a passing hello, he'll be kept in my prayers.

I'm not your tradegy

2007-02-20T00:40:00.000-05:00

This is a random collection of different sayings and lyrics from my ratty, old notebook (we're talking all the way back to grade 9 people). My ratty, old notebook also contains a surprising amount of conjugated Latin (a failed attempt to launch a Latin club (grade 11 (I told you I'm a geek))) and curse words in 5 different languages (predominately Spanish) and the awkward account of my first love according to me (honesty and accuracy do not seem to have played a big role in that recollection). I figured I might as well do something with them as there not as bad as I originally feared (see, cleaning my room has some benefits).

Here we go (I'll start with one of my favourites):

I miss the way he could make me laugh when I didn't even want to smile

Seconds, minutes, hours and even days have passed,
And yet you didn't come back...
Memories of the past have been haunting me...
Only a glimpse of you will make this longing feeling right,
So I'll wait for the day that you'll come back.

We may not be lovers kissing each other, holding hands, exchanging I love you's, I may not be your girl or you my man. But one thing is for sure: that when I find someone exactly like you... I won't make the same mistake again

Never say I love you if you don't really care. Never talk about feelings if they are not really there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.

My hands are made to touch you...
My lips were made to kiss you...
My arms were made to hug you...
Now my eyes are crying for you because I know that your heart was not made to love mine.

I'm afraid to close my eyes because I might dream of you.
I'm afraid to open them because I won't see you there.

One day you'll love me as I loved you
One day you'll cry for me as I cried for you
One day you'll need me like I needed you
One day you'll want me but I'll no longer want you

I cannot change the past, but I can let it go.

As time passes by and the years multiply
I'll still be loving you

Why should I give up the fight now?
What if I'm the one who supposed to win?

My body can grow old.
My face can get wrinkled.
Everything in this world can change
Except my love for you

God has blessed me to share time and space with a man he created just for me some will never know that not even a portion of that.

Love can never be unsure.

I'm not afraid of death, I'm not afraid of dying, I'm not afraid of my heart breaking and I'm not afraid of crying. The only thing I fear of ever really coming true, is living this fearless life without you

You are no longer the old friend that I longed for or the one who's there to comfort me when I cry. You're no longer the shadow that guides me or the one who catches me when I fall. You're just a memory that will soon fade with it all.

I don't run from you, I walk away slowly and it kills me because you don't care enough to stop me...

(I honestly don't know who to accredit these to or where I picked them up over the years (I have a feeling that some of them sound suspiciously like L.A.P.). Additionally, I am completely unwilling to lay claim to any that may be original MS in the event they may be used as evidence in the existence of me having a heart. In case you hadn't noticed the have a tendency to sound kind of post heart break seeing as the majority were located in the section right after the account of my first love, I think it gives away the fact that the ending was not a very happy one.)

The wrong impression

2007-02-17T14:16:00.001-05:00

Don't get it twisted. I'm doin just fine (fantastic, actually) my marks at school are good and only getting better, I'm getting the new job down, my health is slowly but surely improving and right now I'm just working on the details. Pulling every together. I was just saying I'd much rather be here and now than where I was. LIFE IS SWEET,and I'm loving everyday of it (the only improvement to be made is a little more sleep(okay a LOT more sleep)).

What Shall I Infer?

2007-02-16T02:06:00.000-05:00

The war is lost, not simply the battle and I live on to fight another day.

Sleepless in Toronto

2007-02-16T01:30:00.001-05:00

Another restless night and sleep is elusive. I miss the days of resting my head on the pillow and going straight to sleep.

Not All Scars Are Bad

2007-02-16T01:10:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the remnants of a past pain remind us of what we've overcome.